On March 26 it was my older sister's (Heather) birthday. I had fun teasing her that it was her birthday. But something has really been bothering me. I dont feel like i can talk to anyone about it so maybe i can share it with you. It kinda has a back story.
When i was a year old my mother remarried. Shortly after my birth father signed away his rights for me and my older sister. In exchange he received money. My mothers husband then adopted me and my sister ,and from that point further we only knew that he was our dad. Later on we found out the truth. I also found out at that time that my biological father used to beat my mother and he molested my older sister. It has always bothered me that he didnt want me and that he just gave me away. I did learn that he had a drug problem and that i was alot better off with out him.
Back to my original reason for righting this blog tonight. I am upset because I went back and read on my sisters wall that my biological father (Steve) wrote on my sisters wall... " To my darling daughter on her birthday, I love you with all of my heart! I hope you have a wonderful birthday." A few thing about this bothered me!!! A. If you love her so much why id you 1. molest her 2. sell her 3. stay out of her life for so long. and B. Why would she be friend and have anything to do with some one who did all these horrible things to her... and me!!! Why does this bother me????? Why doesnt it hurt her the way it hurts me? ARG!!!
I had so many moments in my life when i could have really used a dad!!! One who always loved me. I wanted a dad who, when i went up to accept a cheerleading award would be cheering me on!! I wanted a dad to be proud of me for graduating from high school, from graduating basic training... to be there when i got married!! I was all alone. I had nobody!! He has hurt me more than anyone will ever know!! and then i see he writes on her wall "To my darling daughter" as if we lived a cookie cutter life....i lived a fucked up life and 99% of it i blame on him!! i blame on my mom!! wtf!! Its not like i want him to contact me! Because i dont I HATE HIM!! But i dont want him talking to her. I mean where the hell was he the last 26 birthdays she had? I could never forgive him!! Not for any of it....
Time to go to bed.....that was alot to talk about...its hard to even think about it
When i was a year old my mother remarried. Shortly after my birth father signed away his rights for me and my older sister. In exchange he received money. My mothers husband then adopted me and my sister ,and from that point further we only knew that he was our dad. Later on we found out the truth. I also found out at that time that my biological father used to beat my mother and he molested my older sister. It has always bothered me that he didnt want me and that he just gave me away. I did learn that he had a drug problem and that i was alot better off with out him.
Back to my original reason for righting this blog tonight. I am upset because I went back and read on my sisters wall that my biological father (Steve) wrote on my sisters wall... " To my darling daughter on her birthday, I love you with all of my heart! I hope you have a wonderful birthday." A few thing about this bothered me!!! A. If you love her so much why id you 1. molest her 2. sell her 3. stay out of her life for so long. and B. Why would she be friend and have anything to do with some one who did all these horrible things to her... and me!!! Why does this bother me????? Why doesnt it hurt her the way it hurts me? ARG!!!
I had so many moments in my life when i could have really used a dad!!! One who always loved me. I wanted a dad who, when i went up to accept a cheerleading award would be cheering me on!! I wanted a dad to be proud of me for graduating from high school, from graduating basic training... to be there when i got married!! I was all alone. I had nobody!! He has hurt me more than anyone will ever know!! and then i see he writes on her wall "To my darling daughter" as if we lived a cookie cutter life....i lived a fucked up life and 99% of it i blame on him!! i blame on my mom!! wtf!! Its not like i want him to contact me! Because i dont I HATE HIM!! But i dont want him talking to her. I mean where the hell was he the last 26 birthdays she had? I could never forgive him!! Not for any of it....
Time to go to bed.....that was alot to talk about...its hard to even think about it
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